Birthday Blues

I’ve  not blogged for a while as to be honest I’ve been finding everything all a bit much. Struggling with parenting guilt and finding the girls incredibly hard. Why does no one tell you that this age is the toughest?! All the support is for newborns, when actually lots of people could do with support at this time. I’m not going to lie Instagram doesn’t help as it only fuels my guilt when I see other twin parents doing things I didn’t and having babies that do things my girls don’t. Then I remind myself people are not all like me and only share the good stuff. Not the reality of this crazy ass parenting gig.

So next week I embark on the next part of this crazy cancer journey and start radiotherapy. Earlier this month I went along for my  CT scan and marking up. I’m now the proud owner of three tattoos, all be it tiny ones, but yet another permanent reminder of all this shenanigans. For those reading this that are sadly on this journey as well don’t panic as they don’t hurt at all.

Due to the travelling and timings of my treatment I basically can’t make plans until the 26th April. To be quite frank it sucks. To make matters worse one of my sessions is on the twins 1st birthday. Now I know you are all thinking they won’t even remember, but I will. Their whole first year overshadowed by cancer and not having a mummy that can give 100%. Luckily their party is planned for the Saturday which is a day off treatment. That would be the party that I have got carried away with, I blame chemo ending and wanting to celebrate! Let’s  just hope I’m not too tired as this is the one of the main side effects. I’m still to buy the girls their presents, I just don’t know what to get. Feel free to share your best buys or ideas.

IMG_0307

Blog post on their party will follow.

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Birthday Blues

  1. Bless you Katy, sad to hear you have had such a miserable time lately . Life can be so rubbish at times. You have shown such bravery these past months so I just know you have the courage to face the next few weeks. Stay strong sweetheart, there will be a time when you look back on all this as a bad dream & life will be good again. Lots of love 💕X

    Like

  2. You are doing so well Katy and as hard as it is, try not to feel guilty. Jude was 8months when I was diagnosed and to be honest after this time until 18months is a bit of a blur! People often ask me, “when did Jude first crawl? When was his first tooth?” And I honestly do not know the answer. I wasnt around or at least with it enough to notice! This was and still is my guilt- how can I not know these things?! BUT he is a happy, amazing little boy who is none the wiser! I know you have loads of support so your girls are being looked after and loved, despite of the madness going on around them. Try not to let it eat away at you. The most important thing is that you get better and then you can plan a lifetime of birthday parties that they will be old enough to remember and you can laugh about in years to come. Xx

    Like

  3. Just remember there is a positive to everything in life – the battle you are fighting is the hardest ever but you are fighting and you are winning. Your resilience, strength, determination, courage, openness, honesty and most importantly love are the gifts you are giving those lucky girls. Those are gifts that will stay with them for life and traits that will see them through everything life throws at them. You and they would never have known the depths of these traits in you, and now they will see and learn and know what is truly important in this hard world. Your values will change for life and you will teach these to your precious girls, and these new values will shape you all for life. Remember “daughters are little girls that grow into your best friends” – the best is yet to come! Thinking of you all, keep strong, love from Rachael x

    Like

  4. Katy I’ve seen your blog in Lesley Whiteman’s Facebook group and I just want to hug you having read this post! What a challenge to be dealing with twins and cancer – but well done you for your honesty, bravery and the tears I’ve just wiped from my eyes. Big Hug coming right your way now x x

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s