We see this hashtag alot on social media accompanied by pics of what appears to be the picture perfect family life. Well if only it was all that easy and rosy! Before I had the girls I was constantly told I would make a brilliant Mum, whether it was because I was used to a class of 30 and they thought it would be a breeze having one or maybe I just oozed mumminess 😬. In reality, it’s not been a breeze and I have found it very challenging. I mean obviously I didn’t have one as I was ‘blessed with twins ‘ oh and the c bomb just for special measure! I’m pretty sure they inject you with guilt when you have a baby and I’m guessing it will plague me well into their teen years!
The girls were 6 weeks prem and this does have an impact on their development, but my god I did not realise how it would effect me mentally. I constantly doubt my parenting skills and blame myself for them being left behind their peers. If I’m not blaming me, I’m blaming cancer and the fact I cannot be a proper full time mummy. I mean as I write this I’m sitting in the cancer centre waiting to see the Dr, while the girls are at home being cared for by grandparents!
I do struggle with friends sharing their babies hitting their milestones as it’s a constant reminder of how behind they are. Yes, I know they will catch up and yes I know they are doing things at their own pace, but when you are in this situation everything becomes amplified. NCT ladies you know I love you all and your support has been amazing so please don’t feel bad when you read this! You are constantly bombarded with questions ‘Are they crawling yet?’, ‘Have they got teeth?’, ‘Are they sitting unaided?’ cue my melt down as I answer no! The other thing I have a bad habit of doing is looking at the twin Mummies I know on Instagram 😭 Some of whom have reached dizzy heights of fame and mass followers. Their lives look perfect and their twins are all very advanced. I have to remind myself that they were probably born at a later gestation than the girls, were bigger and so on. A friend/colleague has recently had identical twin boys (I know there must be something dodge in the water in our staff room!) and I can feel the comparisons coming already and I can’t help but feel envious of her journey that is not tarred with the c word.
Then I stop. I look at my beautiful girls. They are happy, healthy and full of personality. I would not change them for the world and I know I am doing my best at this parenting shizzle. We have recently moved to our new family home and I can see the impact this is having on the girls already. This makes me smile. This makes me realise I too am #parentingtheshitoutoflife.